Understanding Modern Dating Rules Through The Lens Of Shannon Tebb
Boutique matchmaker Shannon Tebb decodes the “6-6-6 dating rule” and highlights the important elements of a long-lasting relationship.
Do you remember how the “Man in Finance” song took over social media in 2024? While hundreds of thousands of people posted reels based on the song, it closely resembled a phenomenon that has made its presence known all over dating profiles: the 6-6-6 dating rule.
As the name suggests, the 6-6-6 dating-rule phenomenon refers to men who are six feet tall, have six-pack abs and make six figures. Surprisingly, these days this “rule” has become a guide for many women making serious dating choices.
With more than 20 years of experience, boutique matchmaker and dating expert Shannon Tebb has thoughts about how this rule works against the spirit of finding true love for both women and men.
Tebb says that she often finds women stressing over the 6-6-6 rule while looking for their ideal partner. In her opinion, focusing on the 6-6-6 rule’s superficial traits could instead decrease a person’s chances of finding a fulfilling relationship. There is also the possibility that if a woman uses this rule alone to find true love she will not find it, since true love is usually not based on such shallow traits, and she might miss out on some amazing men — just because they don’t quite fit the rule’s superficial criteria.
She wants women to ask themselves if a certain height, paycheck and body type are the primary things they need in a life partner. Instead, they should understand that kindness and aligned values are more important considerations in the long run.
She explains how certain psychological factors govern such beliefs among women and men. For women, who often compare themselves with their married friends and feel that they are running out of time, age is a big worry.
Men primarily struggle with rejection. This leads them to succumb to pressure to establish the perfect career and lifestyle. She explains how old-school norms such as “the man is the provider of the family” and masculine stereotypes often contribute to men and women adhering to certain conventions that go against the spirit of successful relationships.
Amidst the chaos of such triggers, women often use less recent photos to appear younger while men lie about their height on dating apps. However, raising such unrealistic expectations isn’t healthy because they only contribute to people sabotaging themselves.
Tebb notes how important it is to have realistic standards. A person looking for a long-term relationship should be open to people of different heights and ethnicities.
Since people don’t know with whom they could end up falling in love, they shouldn’t restrict their chances of knowing and understanding another person. They should also navigate a relationship at their own speed without comparing themselves to others. Love can happen anytime, whether a person is in their twenties or their fifties.
Tebb says, “There is a right person for everyone in the world, but it doesn’t have to be based on a specific set of things.”
When asked about one big shift she has seen in dating culture over the years, she notes that people are now walking around with checklists for finding soulmates. “Dating apps have destroyed dating,” she says, adding that when people sit in bars but are only looking at their phones, they are losing out on any chance of meeting other single people there.
Because of this lack of real-time conversation, people spend time focusing on superficial traits. In Tebb’s opinion, men should see value within themselves and women must not fear showing their vulnerable side to men.
Most of her clients today are men and women in their thirties and fifties. Earlier it used to be people in their forties, but now people in their forties are still building their lives.
When asked what advice she would give men who feel disheartened with women paying too much attention to the 6-6-6 rule, she says that men must focus on personal growth, finding their purpose and building their values.
She also says that women should “be less in their head and more in their heart” when it comes to not subscribing to the 6-6-6 rule. They must think about their relationships deeply and give people a fair chance to be themselves.
In the end, it’s all about how your partner makes you feel. Ask yourself if you feel a connection and are willing to learn more. Focus on being nurturing and loving. The golden rule is, therefore, to lead from the heart.
INTERVIEW BY MARC CASTALDO
